Kerosene
by gurllimerdancer57
Summary: Blayre has the worst recent heartbreak. Mitch, her ex, decides to hook up with this total fake girl, and tries to hide his pain; while Blayre is obviously heart broken and feeling forever alone. She tries to move on with Mitch's best friend who is the sweetest guy ever, but just not like Mitch at all. With the help of their friends and their feelings, will they get back together?
1. April: Blayre

_Kerosene __chapter one_

_APRIL year 1: Blayre_

"I told you I didn't care and you know that it's not true," Mitch explained to me again. Mitch was my boyfriend, and we had never really gotten into a fight before. Maybe argued, but not fighting. And this is really new and I'm not fond of it when it's in an Olive Garden parking lot and he's my ride home.

"So what? He called me a controlling bitch and you sit there and laugh! How supportive is that?" I glared at him, and while he tried to put his hands on my waist and hold me in an I'm-sorry-baby manner, I slipped his hands off.

He stood back at me in shock. "What the hell?"

"What?"

"You won't even let me touch you, rather talk to you anymore!"

"Get used to it, because that's all you will ever get from me if you don't shape up. And maybe playing footsie with Ally when we were eating was a break, huh?"

"First, Ally was playing with me and I was trying to fend her off. Second, no, I'm not going to shape up. Not ever, ever, ever in my life just so some hormonal bitch can use me to tell all her problems to and expect me to do something about it."

I bit my lip, trying not to cry. Some people in the parking lot stopped what they were doing, witnessing it all go down. I took a deep breath. A tear rolled down my face, letting him win.

"Maybe we should just-"

Mitch cut me off. "Yeah, we should."

"Should what?" I asked, knowing the answer anyways.

"Should be done," He said it slowly and unsure at first. He repeated the concept again, to confirm it. "We are over."

"Mitch."

"Blayre."

"Don't go," I pleaded. The thundering dark clouds gathered up in the sky, and sprinkles began to come down.

He grabbed his keys out of his pocket. "You're going to need a ride from somebody else."

"But it's 30 miles from my house and there's a storm!" I started to cry a little bit harder, feeling so helpless and numb inside. Right now, I just wanted to be in his arms, and I wished I didn't push him away.

"Should've said less." His chin shook, and he tightened his jaw so it didn't make him look weak.

"Please, Mitch. I'm sorry. Just don't leave without me."

"Um, I don't know."

Ally started jogging out from the restaurant, leaving Ryan lonely and mad that she's not into him, and approaching Mitch. The sprinkles became moderate rain.

"Guys, it's so fuckin' cold out and I have no ride home!" She yelled, her tight white shirt starting to become soaked. Her cheetah pink bra started to show even more, considering she must've taken off her hoodie to attempt to seduce Mitch.

I rolled my eyes at her pathetic attempt.

"Oh, I could take you." Mitch said, smiling, and opening his truck's passenger door.

"What about, um, Bell?" she tossed her long fake blonde extensions back behind her hair, and smiled with her bleached perfect teeth.

"Who?" Mitch and I asked in unison.

"Bell," she looked at me with her icy blue eyes. "You."

"It's Blayre, and put your damn hood on and quit trying to be a slut."

Mitch glared at me. "She isn't coming with. She decided she was going to stay longer and have some fun with her friends."

"Oh. Have fun!" She smiled, giggled, and then hopped in the truck.

Mitch got in, not looking back. He turned on the truck, and blasted his stereo.

I stood back for him to get out. Just when I was going to reach for my phone to call my best friend to pick me up, I looked over to see my horror.

Mitch and Ally were making out. I saw it happened and it killed me slowly…like a bullet easing through my body, cutting and tearing my guts punching holes inside me, and nobody really knowing why. Like when you get pushed off of a cliff; you're taken by shock, and you lost air with the impact…and you're falling…and falling…and you're helpless.

That's what it feels like to be treated like 5 minutes after a long break up and having a retarded, fake, slutty chick kiss and steal your spot in your boyfriend's heart.

I pulled out my iPhone, about to call my best friend Jasmine to pick me up, when I heard Ryan shout out to me from is Ford F-150 behind me.

"Blayre, get your ass out of the rain and I'll take you home!" He yelled.

I smiled, knowing how Ryan was such a good guy, and a loyal friend to Mitch. "Sure," I walked over to the passenger side, and climbed on up. "Thanks, Ryan. I owe you one."

"No, Mitch is an ass. He knew Ally and I had nothing in common, he made me go on a date with her and he completely went on basically two dates at once." He tensed his jaw, and pulled out of his parking spot, driving up to the stop sign to exit onto the road.

"I wish I would've said I was busy last week, because, if I did, I wouldn't be single and I wouldn't feel so helpless and lonely right now." I said.

"Blayre, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm always there for you; a shoulder to cry on. I've listened to all the crap he's said and I wish he would've stayed away from Ally. Ally's just a slut, and she's a player, and she's fake. She's been texting him 24/7 for the past two weeks, and it's amazing how he lied to you. Don't feel bad." He turned on the radio, listening to some old rock music.

"I knew what he was doing with Ally." I bit my lip, trying not to cry my head off like a baby and soaked in what Ryan said. It's pure truth. I should accept that Mitch and I are done, but I don't want to. I can't, anyways. It's Mitch; I promised almost my life to him. And he did the same. And now it went to hell.

"Ok, so why did you still date him then?" he asked.

"Because I didn't know better," I looked at the stormy sky, feeling the same pain as the weather. "I thought we would never end so quickly, and he would be over me that quickly."

"Well now you know."

"I know."

"You're strong if you're not crying like a baby."

"I know."

"You don't need him."

"I know."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know, maybe everything." I sighed, and changed the channel.

I heard a song that sounded so true and so true right now. I cranked it up.

"_The things we said that never would_

_Happen, just happened…_

_The looks and the love we shared_

_Just left, kinda like you…_

_Just like you!"_

A tear rolled down my face, and I secretly hoped Mitch cried at some point too, and would be driving away with a tramp giving him a headache, and me on his mind and slowly giving him a stroke.

Just like he's doing to me.


	2. April: Mitch

**APRIL: Mitch**

Holy. Fuck.

This chick is acting like she's going to die in seconds, so clingy, so attached and horny while I'm trying to drive. Scratch that, she might die if she won't let me drive right, and we're going to crash and I wouldn't be able to kiss Blayre, or tell her I loved her every day.

No. I was not going to feel sorry for myself. Blayre and I peacefully broke up because we weren't interested in each other anymore. We thought it would be best to see other people, or just move on and go on with ourselves. Maybe she found someone else? Or just was irritated with me. But why would she be irritated? She was being a bitch…she thought I was playing footsie with Allyson and I was trying to get the slut off of me. She doesn't trust me.

So maybe I was playing along with Ally a little bit. Not a whole lot. But just long enough to get to my senses. And besides, she was flirting with my best friend Ryan. He's such a player.

Or maybe she just really, really, was irritated with me.

Whatever it was, when we got to the parking lot, it was like sudden death. I couldn't believe the things I was saying to her. She had all the right in the world to be mad then, and I should've kept my mouth shut. Maybe I wouldn't be driving so fast, not knowing what I was doing, screaming her name in my head, praying and hoping she felt the same as me.

And right when I turn to look at Ally, this little tan babe with tattoos and piercings, short skirts, flip flops, tight white shirts and bleach blonde hair as her wardrobe, I felt like pushing the slut out. That spot was Blayre's; she had no right to sit there. Ally's probably fucked every guy in the school, including nerds, just to tame her horniness. And maybe I was next in line, or a hold for her problems.

Whatever she thought, I had already thought it. Because A) she was not going to get close to my dick B) she was going straight home C) she is not getting my number and D) I'm not hooking up or dating that.

I still kept thinking about Blayre. About the break-up…how I said we're done and she kept saying my name…it felt like I was having a heart attack. Like I was being shot, and I couldn't breathe. I dropped from my future…considering we planned our kids, how I'm going to marry her, went through hell with each other and all those forever promises. They went to hell.

I made out with Ally before I left to not look like such a wimp, but honestly, it made me weaker to think I was kissing some girl other than Blayre.

I got so emotionally and physically attached to that girl. I saw her 24/7, in my dreams, on my mind, in person, in my heart. And as gay as this all sounds; it's true.

As I watched the rumbling clouds and the pouring rain, I turned and remembered Ally was with me. I think she was telling me her problems last time I checked, and now, she wasn't in sight.

Did I already drop her off?

Just when I was about to get happy about not having her with me anymore so I could cry or do something to get this shit out of my head, I hear moaning and shrieking from the backseat.

I look in the rearview mirror to see Ally with her skirt, her shoes, and her shirt off and lying around in the back. She was masturbating pure butt ass naked. She was grinning as I saw her. If I wasn't so heartbroken and lonely for Blayre I would've been all over that. But since I was, it wasn't cutting it.

"Allyson what the fuck are you doing?!" I yelled. I noticed the radio was pretty loud, so I turned it down.

"You want some of this? You like what you see babe? Ohh, honey I want you!" she yelled back.

I stomped on the brakes at a stop sign, and then spotted the Wal-Mart parking lot in Westington, where Ally, Ryan, Blayre, and I (and obviously a lot more people lived), and turned into it. I put the truck in park, and turned it off.

Ally smiled like I was giving in. Until I reminded her…"Ally, put you're fucking clothes back on, get your shit and get out of my truck. We're at Wal-Mart; there are a lot of idiots who will be willing to get laid tonight. Go find one and leave me alone." I sighed, and faced the front.

"What?! Are you serious?! Do you even _know_ who I am?!" She stopped her little porno and started to put on her thong and bra. I noticed a condom box in her purse, and felt a little sorry. She was really hoping for sex.

"Yes, a prostitute who uses every guy for pleasure, now hustle or I'll throw you out half naked." I raised my voice, being proud of being a virgin yet. Yes, I know. I'm a virgin. You want to know why?

Well, for starters, I do not want to be a teen father. I've masturbated Blayre before, but never put the bun in the oven if you know what I mean. She and other girls have seduced me and shit, but I have not fucked any girl yet. I am 17, but college has promises too.

As I thought about it more…I am not a virgin. I have been black-out drunk before, and according to a lot of girls, I deliver a lot to them. So, the bullshit I just told you, that's what I wanted to happen. I don't anymore because of the first line.

About a year ago Blayre and I had constant sex while her parents were on a vacation. They thought she was working 24/7, but really, she was doing a little more than that. For the next week, Blayre was getting morning sickness and throwing up all the time. She was exhausted and it just so happened that about another week from the morning sickness, she found out her period was late. Yes. Do you get it yet?

Blayre was texting me every day, and when she told me her parents thought it was just exhaustion from working and didn't take her to the doctor, I half-believed it. Just when I thought she was better, she texted me about the missing-the-period…I didn't catch on quick enough, so I didn't text her back with a right response to it. Then she put in into a little more serious words. I still remember how it was put…

**Blayre: **_**um, mitch…i have something important to say…my period was late…and i'm exhausted and i'm experiencing morning sickness**_

**Me: **_**oh yeah**_

**Blayre: **_**mitch! i took a pregnancy test…and it was positive. I'M PREGNANT**_

I about had a heart attack. Yeah, I got Blayre knocked up. She said she wanted to meet me somewhere to talk, so we did. She wanted an abortion and didn't want to tell her parents…and honestly, neither did I. I didn't want the kid to be a fuck up, and I didn't want Blayre to be in pain. I wasn't sure how anybody would react to it; if they would think lower of her or call her a slut. I didn't know if I would be a good enough father. But for one thing, I knew I wanted that baby. I wanted her to be the mother, and to realize how much that kid meant.

She never got an abortion. She didn't need to. About a month later, things started to be a little more noticeable in a way. She had a different glow. She quit wearing tight clothing. She actually hid it from her parents, and everybody but me and her best friend. She bought books, and started eating in a more motherly-healthy way. She quit sports, and partied less. She wrote down names in her notebooks…she was already thinking about the kid's name. She texted me constantly, and cried herself to sleep. She was so scared.

Blayre got to about two and a half months pregnant when she got a baby bump to appear. Not in a horribly massive way, either. She got up to four and a half months pregnant. Then we got serious to tell our parents, even though we didn't actually tell them. Her mom just assumed she was becoming self-conscious and was focusing more on school, less physical fitness, and working on balancing diets she told me. Blayre told me clearly everything she was thinking of.

And then, one night on our date, she felt sharp pains in her lower abdomen (aka: something was happening to the baby.) We rushed to the hospital, to then be first to the ob/gyn's priorities. We didn't tell her parents…for all they knew, we were still on a date.

She was screaming and puking and moaning. I rubbed her growing stomach and held her hand. When the doctor gave us our results after a 30 minute examination and 45 minute testing session, we found out that not only was it one baby; but two. And to add the shock, that those two kids were miscarried.

We lost them.

Blayre was heartbroken. She got depressed, and then finally got over it. Her parents never knew, and neither did mine. I paid for the bill, and my parents never cared.

So now do you understand why I do not want sex for a while?

I heard the truck's door slam. Finally the bitch was gone. And as soon as I started my truck, so was I.


	3. May: Blayre

**May: Blayre**

Its midnight and I am depressed and eating doughnut holes like no tomorrow. How does Mitch take it so well? I swear he has some magical thing where he gets over things like they never happened like, a month ago. Like when he got me pregnant. He's so comfortable talking about it while I cry every time I think of it. It's undetermined whether I can have kids or not now.

I wonder if he thought of that when he was screwing Ally. Or as some say, Ally thought his dick was too small so they didn't do it. Another rumor is that they forgot condoms. That they got caught and so they couldn't do it because her parents were mad. That Ally was masturbating and Mitch didn't want to screw her. That Mitch thought her boobs were too small, or that she didn't shave. Another was that Mitch was recording it and put it on a porn website. The one I'm hoping it was said that he kicked her out in a Wal-Mart parking lot and never called her again.

But whatever it was, it didn't work because they are boyfriend-girlfriend material. Jasmine, my best friend, and I check their Facebook statuses, and it's true. They went to a movie last night, and apparently their 'song' came on. They've dated so far 5 times on and off in the past month. But they don't text.

The rumor is that Mitch lost his phone and his parents won't buy him a new one, and everybody believed it but me. Because A) He always has his phone B) his parent's will buy or give him anything C) they don't care much about him but want him to be occupied and D) it's Mitch for crying out loud! Ally believed it, and she apparently is going to buy him a new one. I've texted him a lot since we broke up and it always said "Seen by Mitch" or "Read by Mitch" on Facebook messaging, and texting.

Whatever. I have someone else…

Ryan. Remember him? The sweetheart that picked me up from Olive Garden and took me home? Yeah, we hit it off. Not in the dirty way, we are dating…sort of. We've gone out on dates 3 times…and came close to other stuff, but we decided keep it a mutual pure best-friend partner. I tell him my problems and he helps me through them…he's great.

Ryan gives the best back massages ever…he doesn't try to grab my ass like Mitch.

No. I'm not going to think about Mitch. He moved on. We don't speak to each other.

My phone starts to vibrate, and I notice it's a call. And stupid as I am, I accidently (out of habit? Yes!) answered it not knowing who it was. I took a bite of a doughnut.

"Hey honey," I said with my mouth full.

"Um, Blayre?" A deep, sleepy, sexy voice I recognized came through the speakers.

"Ryan, babe?" I asked. Again, I'm an idiot.

"No…no, it's Mitch." He mumbled.

Oh shit. It's Mitch.

"What do _you _want?" I hissed.

"Jesus, I just want to talk."

Hmm, maybe a month ago would've worked? You know, when I was crying for forgiveness begging for you to not leave me? "Well, sorry, I uh, have homework. Yeah, homework." I swallowed the bite hard.

_Lame_. No dumbass would fall for that. "Oh. Well, I just wanted to talk."

I stand corrected.

"So, I guess I could have a quick chat, maybe?" I said.

"It's not too quick, but thanks." He sighed. My heart swooned, wanting him so bad. But he's not mine. He's Ally's…and I have Ryan.

Ryan…you wouldn't think he would care right? I mean, I'm only trying to figure out my ex-boyfriend's shit out at midnight. It's not bad or anything. I don't think….

"Um, soooo…" I dragged on. I took another doughnut and just shoved it into my mouth.

"So, yeah, well, do you have time?"

"When?"

"Uh, now? So we can talk…on the phone…about stuff?"

"Oh yeah. So?" I asked. Crumbs fell from my mouth and landed on my bed. I sighed and took another, but this time, trying to see if I could choke myself by eating it whole.

"You don't think Ally's playing me right? I mean, I like her and all but…she talks about Ryan's dick." I about puked. The doughnut traveled up my throat and I literally gagged.

It went silent.

"You okay?" He asked. "Did you like, barf or something?" I rolled my eyes. The word "barf" wanted to make me "barf".

"No. But I personally think talking about my boyfriend is not necessary…especially when you're my ex, you're his best friend, I'm his girlfriend, you are talking about your slutty girlfriend, and you mentioned your slutty girlfriend talking about his dick."

"_Ok. Well. Fine_." He put extra emphasis on each word.

Pure silence again.

Jackass.

"Look I'm sorry about the break-up. I'm sorry I never was honest with you about Ally. But now to be honest, I wasn't playing footsie with her. She was with me, ok, if I was I wouldn't be talking about it still and kissing her and imaging its you. Ok, I wouldn't be hugging her or sitting next to her without thinking about you. I don't like it when she's in the passenger seat in my truck. I can only think about you…and that summer," he paused. "But when I fall asleep I think about her. I daydream about her. I think about her all the time, but I can't touch her or be near her without…you're existence of you already doing those things with me. It's a bad memory; a curse. And I feel like if I tell you this, it will make it all better, so we can fully move on with this shit and just go fuckin' nuts and be all horny and shit over another person and not feel guilty. We never finished it, and I wanted to know if you wanted to hook up and screw each other so we could get the hate all out and start new. What do you think?"

What. The. Hell. Is. Wrong. With. Him?

"I think you're a horny lying, cheating, dumbass douchebag who doesn't know how to apologize to their ex and make them feel better. I think you are an asshole, and you can go fuck your girlfriend in peace. Go to hell."

"Fine. Be that way. You were always a hormonal bitch you know that? I can't believe Ryan would want to fuck that."

The line went dead. A few seconds later I got a text.

_**Mitch: **__i wish we never talked. just do ur homework & forget what i said. im drunk as hell._

_**Blayre:**_ _fuck u_

I dialed Jasmine's number. She knows what to say to this.

Jasmine answered on the first ring. I love her. "Hey, girl!"

"Yeah, small problem. I hate Mitch, he's an asshole and he sucks at trying to give sorry speeches to make people get over their shit."

"Why what did he say? Did you call him? Or did you meet somewhere?"

"He called me. He's like I'm sorry for the way I acted, I keep thinking about you, I miss you, and I daydream and dream about Ally but when I touch her I think about you and bullshit like that." I sighed.

"I totally saw that coming. But you know what? That means he's not over you and he has issues. Did you know he smokes pot and drinks like every night?"

"Yeah he said he was drunk went he sent me a text like I'm sorry forget it and crap. I don't know. He's just not the same Mitch I dated before. The one I fell in love with." I looked out the window to the dark sky. I chewed my lip, hoping to feel a little bit better by tomorrow. Or, in this case, later today.

"You loved him? I thought you just said it to say it not mean it!" Jasmine always freaked out at this stuff. Even though she's been through it, and is finding her true love too, she thinks it's weird for others to feel this way.

"Yeah, I was crazy over the guy. I still am. I mean, Ryan's great, but Mitch…he's gone through everything together. I can't believe he wants to go on a double date again with Mitch and Ally, because now it's totally backwards." I looked at the doughnuts, and shoved them to the floor.

"I bet. That will be awkward. If only you could find a third couple to go with to ease the tension."

Silence.

We both gasped, and at the same time as I did she said, "We should get Ryan to get Jason to go with us!"

We laughed until we cried. I know. Emotional right?

"God, I feel like I'm going through PMS or something. So emotional and exhausted." I said.

She laughed again. "You're just fine."

"Yeah I know. Sorry, nice good short reviving chat sweetie but I should go to bed." I glanced at the clock and groaned. Its 1:30 a.m. and its Monday.

"Oh, shit. I forgot its Monday. Yeah, I will let you go. Bye."

Just like that the phone was dead. What are the odds, I mean, seriously, its Jasmine. She doesn't like gooey long conversations about saying goodbye.

Whatever I guess. I got my problems not really figured out, and Mitch is still my #1 thought. How unusual, right?

As I thought about the good times, I drifted into sleep, my phone still on and in my hand, and my bed still empty without me in it. And my heart, well, its full of drama. And Mitch Raffield.

"WAKE UP, EVERYBODY! IT'S MONDAY MORNING!"

I groaned. My stupid alarm clock went off. I looked up, around, and fell back to sleep.

About an hour later, my little sister comes running through my room screaming to get me up.

"BLAYRE! Its 7:25 and YOU'RE STILL NOT READY!" My second youngest little sister, Cheyenne yells.

I sit up, suddenly awake, and wipe drool from my face. Gross.

My back feels like hell, my neck aches, I'm obviously late, I'm exhausted and I look like shit. Definitely not a good start to a Monday.

"Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" I yelled, jumping up a little faster and hustling to find my underwear and bra to change into. I found a lacy thong and matching bra. It will work I guess.

I rummaged through my walk-in closet while Cheyenne bitched about how I'm deaf and how she's going to be late and found a pair of faded flare dark blue jeans with rips all the way up the legs. I found a white sporty fitted tee with most needed blue camisole underneath it, making my boobs have more identification and have a sexier tired athlete look. When I put the outfit on I did not notice how sexy and Ally-looking I was, and I seriously didn't care at the time. I put on silver flats and moved to my mirror to do hair and make-up.

"Cheyenne, time please!" I yelled.

"7:37." She grabbed my back-back and began filling it with my books.

I pulled up my long wavy bleach blonde highlighted hair with a dark brown under layer into a sporty ponytail. I finished it with hairspray. I applied long lashes mascara, tan and deep brown eye shadow, and black eyeliner on. I put this strawberry moisturizing cream on my face. I let that dry while I applied deodorant, sprayed PINK perfume, and applied shiny lip gloss. I applied a tan coat on my face, put in diamond earrings, grabbed my stuff and ran out the door with Cheyenne.

I just got to school when the first bell to head to class rang, at 8:15. Hell yes.

As I walked through the tight hallway, guys looked at me and winked.

A really cute guy in my class, who is a senior like me, smiled at me and said, "Hey, Blayre," and licked his lips.

Ok. That was weird.

As I walked through the halls, I notice people looking at me more.

What did I do?

And as I felt Mitch's eyes on me, I about melted. I followed his eyes to my chest, and right when I looked at him a sex-crazed junior said, "Nice black bra. It's really showing through that cami of yours. I don't remember it though. It's sexy and shady kind of like something else."

The horny asshole had to tell me?! My blue cami had crept farther down my shirt and my bra appeared more visible. It wasn't so bad. But it was considering guys were checking me out for it. Ryan had smiled and caught up to me. I was running up stairs, so obviously my boobs were bouncing.

"Holy shit, babe, that's hot." He said.

I didn't understand the big deal. I know I don't dress slutty, but it's for a reason. And I guess if it seduced guys it was alright. It could've been worse. But I didn't get it. So? People change their wardrobe, and why should I all of a sudden be so damn popular? And what did he mean by shady?

When I got to English and sat down, Jasmine looked at me in shock.

"You won't believe what someone started a rumor about you." She whispered.

"What?" I asked. I gulped, knowing something was up.

"That you have porn videos all over Google, and their all apparently from webcams that you did. And not the clean webcams, the dirty ones obviously. So all of the creepy dirty sex crazed guys looked you up…and apparently the latest news from the weekend is that you are a lesbian and you, as gross and dumb this is, and Ally and Mitch have threesomes. It's pathetic. I know you wouldn't do that."

As emotional as I am from all this crap, I started to feel like an idiot for wearing my outfit. I about started to cry, but as soon as the bell rang, I waited for Mrs. Kere to walk in with her annoying introductions.

"Whatever…its nothing, right? Obviously, it's going to stop eventually. But who would start that?" It won't stop; I know it. One week left and its summer and somebody starts a retarded rumor about me. Not a shock.

"Yeah I dunno. But I want to find out for sure!" Jasmine sounded so confident. I wish I was.

Just as Mrs. Kere, a little behind her usual cue, walked into the room, I noticed Ally smirking at me from three desks from my left.

What did _she_ want? And how come I felt like she knew something more about the rumor?

**Author's Note:**

**Ok, so 3****rd**** chapter. How do you like it? I feel confident on the chapters and book's schedule, and I know I'm going to finish this story for sure. I love it! Ok, please REVIEW and comment your thoughts! I want your feedback please! And here's the little catch about this book so far and my question: WHY DO YOU THINK I NAMED IT KEROSENE? As you're reading, I want you to imagine or just guess why I named it what it is. As you read, you will eventually discover it. Trust me, it's gonna be worth something to read! **

**Love, **

**girllimerdancer57**


	4. May: Mitch

**M****ay: Mitch**

This past month is shit. You want to know why? Well, I hooked up with Ally. And shit went down…and Ally became emotionally and physically attached to me. It went kind of like this…

After I left Ally at Wal-Mart, I had felt really bad about it. (Ok, so I really didn't feel guilty but she is hot, and I wanted sex.) So the next day, I called her up, apologized, and somehow I got her back. We had talked our shit out, and became a couple. I took her out to a movie, but then we ditched it halfway through, Ally had brought fake IDs so we could buy some booze. After we had gotten our nights worth out of the liquor store, we got into my truck, and parked it at Ally's spare beach house. Then we went inside, and you know, started getting drunk.

The stereo was cranked up, the lights were all on, and our clothes were almost completely off. We had made our way up to the master bedroom, and I came close to fucking her…and then she busted out crying. Yes. Butt ass naked, about to be screwed and she started crying.

"Ally what's wrong?"

"Um, nothing," then she cried harder. "EVERYTHING!"

"What do you mean?" I felt kind of awkward at that point, because most girls I have sex with don't burst out in tears naked with her other naked partner and tell emotional and tragic stories. I had grabbed my boxers and put them back on to be less awkward.

"Well, it all started at the beginning of the year…" Ally had no problem being honest and naked at once. It was hard to focus because she has such a nice body…

"And, and I promised myself I wouldn't fuck up and get a disease!" That was weird. Ok, maybe I should listen and quit staring at her boobs.

"….and nobody wanted to fuck me because they knew I had STDs after they got me naked! I had spread it to a guy from Chester and he told EVERYBODY! And the last guy I was with tried taking videos of me when I was stripping for him!" She squealed.

There was another ten minutes of bitching and crying before I tuned back in.

"You love me right?! I mean, you would fuck me, right? Even if I want to be pregnant and have STDs?" she gave me the biggest I'm-not-who-you-think-I-am look ever.

"Ummm…." Shit. She's gonna be horrified now.

"WHAT?! Oh my fucking God nobody loves me! I wasted thousands of dollars on my boobs, ass, cheek bones, thighs and lips for this?!" she screamed. She hit me on the arm and that was my cue to get the fuck out now.

"Um, I'll call you later." I said.

"NO! Don't leave me!" She laid back screaming.

"Ally, I have to go. I wasn't spending the night remember?" I assured her. I stood up walking towards the door.

"No! Stay!" She screamed some more shit about not trusting me and how I was an asshole, but all I cared about was finding my damn pants. As soon as I was dressed again and grabbed my keys and made sure I had everything, I walked out the door.

As I slammed my door I swear I heard something fall down steps or something but I forgot about it. I wonder if the neighbors heard us.

As I was driving home, I called my buddy Levi.

"Yeah," he answered.

"So do you think Ally's hot?" I grinned knowing what he would say.

"Fuck yeah. I would tap that any day, man you're a lucky son of a bitch," he paused. "Why?"

"Oh you know…I was about to fuck her…she broke out crying right before I was about to get the bun in the oven, then she started telling me about her past sex life and how she thinks nobody loves her cause she has STDs-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, back it up. Did you just say Ally has an STD?" Yes. If you would let me finish you would know.

"Yeah. So anyways, she was saying she wants to get pregnant and get this- her boobs and ass aren't real. She's had work done on her face and all this shit that we all thought was natural hottie. Yeah. She's not so fuck-able now is she?" I started to feel sick after I said that. It's not her fault she wants love.

"Yeah, really. Didn't she give some guy STDs?" he asked.

"I don't know. I guess I never really cared. I spent the last 3 years with Blayre; I guess I never really got into that shit." There. The sickness was replaced with butterflies and heartache. I know. It's gay.

"That's right…did you know about her an Ryan-"

I cut him off. "Yes."

"Did you know they did-"

"Yes."

"Did you know that he bought-"

"Look, I don't want to talk about them." I snapped.

"Jesus, I was going to say did you know that he bought a new truck. Relax a little." I could tell he was seeing right through me.

"Oh, well, no." I started to feel shitty again. I ditched Ryan because I felt like he used me to get Blayre. I know it's not really his fault, but I didn't want to blame myself. I mean, if he's happy with Blayre, so be it. I had her first.

Again, that sounds gay.

"Dude, don't worry about her. She was bitchy. But hot. But really bitchy." I wanted to punch him.

"First off, you don't even _know_ her. Second, you don't know what she's been through. Third, that's sick and that's not true she was everything I wanted to worry about. You don't know her like I do." I felt like throwing up now. I so am not over her.

"Well, sorry to break it to you bro, but you are still in love with her and you know it." He sighed.

"No I'm not," I paused, trying to think of a way to deny it. "I'm just not used to being without her."

"Dude, what the fuck that _is _being in love with her."

"If it was, Mr. Cupid ass, then why the hell am I trying to move on?"

"Because you're in love with her and she's not in love with you."

"That doesn't make sense!"

"Yes it does. Do you dream about her?"

"Umm, not all of the-"

"When you kiss another girl do you think of her?"

"Once in a-"

"Do you wish you were Ryan?"

"Maybe, well-"

"Then it's settled. You still love the chick, but she doesn't love you."

"But why not? I'm so loveable!" I sounded like a gay little kid's stuffed animal. What the fuck is the matter with me?

"Dude, she don't think so."

"She doesn't love Ryan does she?" I'm starting to become way too attached to her.

"I don't know I'm not Ryan. Just ask the fucker."

"Who? Blayre?"

"No, Ryan."

"He hates me now."

"He always has hated you, man."

"So?"

"Do you want me to ask him?"

"He hates you too."

"No."

"Yes."

Levi paused. "But do you want me to?"

I pulled into my garage. "Maybe. I got to go."

"Ok, fine. Bye."

The phone went dead and all I remember was feeling horrible.

"MITCH!" Mrs. Kere yelled at me. I snapped out of my daydream and looked at my English teacher.

"Yeah?" I asked, slurring my speech like a drunk ass.

"If you were listening, I had asked you to define how you feel about Jesse's life," she pursed her lips at me. "_And _you needed your book out."

I paused. What was she talking about? "Uhh…"

"Oh wait, you wouldn't have a book because you probably lost it. Detention, after school. I suggest you party less and study more. Have you even read chapter 40? Or did you assume you would have it easy? Did you do the essay questions on your worksheet because this was on there! I should've expected this laziness from you on the last days of school. How do you think you'll graduate? You still have to take this book's exam! If you don't pass you sure as positive won't be passing high-school English, there for you have not graduated with the required GPA. If you keep acting like this, you will never get through life! How do you suppose your boss will feel about you being lazy like this in your job? I at least would like you to pay attention even if you didn't read it so you can keep up. How many chapters have you read, anyways? Zero, hmm, that's nice to know how you feel about education. F, that's what you'll get an F," she paused, and we heard the bell ring. "Class dismissed. I assume I'll see better of you tomorrow, young man, or shall I say until you pass high school English?"

That did it. That old bitch just got on my last nerve.

I was going to flip out on her. But I decided to make her sound dumb when I walk across the stage, getting my diploma, and flipping her off. Oh, how kick ass it will be.

Instead, I said "Yes, ma'am," in a southern accent and walked out the door. As I walked out though, I said, "Kiss my ass."

I know she heard me because she puffed up and I felt her glaring at me.

Whatever I guess.

I saw Blayre in the hallway, though and she looked damn good. She never dressed like that. And apparently, she isn't the same I guess. Ally told me, along with other creeps that she was caught with pornography videos and apparently she became a prostitute and all this bullshit, and Ally felt really good about it too. I knew that wasn't Blayre, and by the way she looked and how she had reacted to when Jasmine Weber, her best friend, told her in English, I knew she definitely knew nothing about it.

Here's the catch: Ally told me about a week before everybody knew. When I saw her in the hallways one day, I overheard Ally spreading the rumor to others. Same with that Emily chick that's Ally's best friend; they both are acting weird. I broke up with Ally once she told me, because I knew it wasn't true and Ally is so head on with drama that I couldn't take it.

One thing for is that girls are obsessed with causing the next girl shit. That's easy to understand. But whoever made sure I was the drama starters boyfriend I will never know.

Not that Blayre ever did. But, you know. Ally….and some…other girls.

"Hey, so what did Mrs. Kere say?" she asked surprisingly calmly.

"Oh well-"

"Yeah, not you. I was talking to Jasmine." She snapped. I turned around noticing Jasmine with a look of discomfort on her face, I felt so incredibly worthless and dumb. And I was right next to Jasmine's locker.

"What's your problem?" Oh fuck. Shouldn't have brought it up.

"Whatever, Mitch." She rolled her eyes. "Anyways…" she trailed off, then looked at me.

"Are you going to, I don't know, move some fucking day?!" Jasmine yelled. I always hated her.

"Fuck off, bitch." I kept walking.

They said something about me that I didn't make a comment about. Something about how I'm a dumbass. I don't know, but for one thing, I had to hurry up to get to Art.

Just when I thought it was easy, one of my very past ex-girlfriends decided it was time to talk about 4 years ago when I stole her virginity when I had thirty seconds to get five feet to my next class.

"So, Mitch, I was wondering since you're single and all…." She grinned. "Maybe we could-"

"Get to class, good plan, Carrie!" I'm such a smart ass.

"It's Joslyn. I'm Ally's other best friend."

Oh. Yeah. Not gonna happen, bitch, now move. "Oh, well-"

The bell rang.

Fuck.

"Nice job, _Joslyn_, I'm late for class." I made sure to emphasize her name.

"Yeah, hey sexy pie, call me." Wasn't it supposed to be cutie pie, not sexy pie?

Whatever. "Not gonna happen. Got to go."

I walked those five feet feeling lucky. Then I remembered that I didn't finish my poster of a dog yet. Oh shit. Second red flag, six to go then. Oh well, I can sweet talk her.

"Sorry, Ms. Lillian, I had an important talk with our principle on the way here. And I didn't finish my poster, I'm truly sorry. Is that a new shirt? It looks better on you than a starving model!" I heard somebody scoff, and then the whole class grew with shock on what she said next. I remembered to add the model part because she hates models. We don't know why, but she does, and she loves clothes. Like Blayre….

"Oh, that's good. You're excused. And you can have until Wednesday to finish it, honey. You're so sweet; I should give you extra credit!"

Works every time. She's single, lonely, and she calls me cute and honey. Fuck, I even have her number.

"Ok, class, as you know, you are supposed to have finished all of your final pictures/posters, etc. for graduation. Correct?"

We all agreed.

"Fantastic! I want you guys to just now sit back, relax, and do whatever you want. No texting or sleeping, though."

The tension in the room's paint-filled air grew happier as she said that. I looked around at the desks, noticing Blayre's was empty. Out of habit I had immediately asked where she was. Again, I'm retarded.

"Where's Blayre?" Everybody smiled like preschoolers and not seniors, noticing the tone in my voice. I always had this cloud-nine kind of gay voice when I said Blayre. Levi calls me gay when I talk like that but I like it because I'm thinking of Blayre…

"Oh, well," Nick Johnson, a good friend of mine in football started, "She definitely didn't tell you, then."

I got really confused.

"What?" I asked, now starting to really care.

"She's has to go work on her class speech and solo for the graduation, remember? She got voted to speak and to introduce the audience on Saturday?" Rachel Danielson said.

_I've screwed you before. You gotta nice body on you_. I wanted to say. "Oh, she doesn't really tell me that crap."

"Dude, she doesn't even talk to you." Nick said.

"I know. She kind of hates me."

I noticed Ryan sitting in the back corner, and felt him looking at me.

"We can tell." Nick said.

"Yeah, but I guess I can't do anything about it so, uh, are you going to college?" Really? That's the shit I thought of?

"Uh, no." He said.

"Me neither."

Ms. Lillian looked up from her desk, and smiled. She's only twenty-five, and she, if you didn't notice, likes me a lot. She wouldn't do anything special like sex or something but she does flirt with me and help me with girl shit.

"I think you still like her," she said.

People nodded.

What the fuck? I didn't think this was a group conversation. "Just forget about it."

"Ok. But it's pretty obvious." She dropped her pen on her desk and pulled back her chair and sat down.

"Oh well."

Just as I was going to admit it, as weak as I had gotten at that point, Blayre walked in, with tears in her eyes, and she sat in the corner near Ryan. She whispered so low, and he rubbed her back. He said something apparently comforting to her, and she smiled. He wiped her tears and stood up and hugged her. She hugged him back and said something else. I looked away.

That should've been me. Not Ryan. I wanted to know why she was crying because it was a slow death when she was crying. I know I shouldn't be butting in, but why the hell did I have to end us? It's all my fault, and I tried to blame her. All I wanted was for her to be happy and for me to be happy, and I thought wrong. My happiness was her, and I lost it.

I noticed I was becoming really tense, and my jaw was tensing up, and apparently it was noticeable.

Nick looked at me, being all rough and tough as he is, and he said, "Dude. No. Quit being a pussy, and grow a pair. Do not cry."

I nodded. "That should be me. He's not supposed to be thinking about how lucky he is, or how he's going to kick someone's ass if they touch hers. That's my job, and I can't stand this gooey bullshit."

"You broke up with her."

"I know."

"You don't need her."

"I know."

"So why are you about to cry?"

"I don't know."

As soon as I said that, she looked right at me, and I felt like throwing up. She looked so beautiful, and I wish I could just kiss her and hold her tight, and tell her I loved her.

And this weird ass side of me wanted to bitch slap her.

Some kids were reading, some were doodling, some were checking emails and some were watching us. I wish me and her didn't have all the same classes. Its hell.

A tear rolled down her cheek.

We kept staring.

Her book fell.

We kept staring.

A pencil dropped.

We kept staring.

My shoulder popped.

We kept staring.

Ryan kissed her cheek.

We looked away.

It was weird. We were so in love, and now we're so not in love I think. Well, I am, she's not. And to think of all that we had done in these past years together to let me all take them to hell with me. I wish somebody would've stopped me from all this. I wish I would've went to work and not have taken the day off that one day. Maybe I wouldn't be feeling so shitty and I wouldn't be so confused.

The rest of the day went like that. We'd stare, I'd get in trouble. We'd stare, she'd start crying. We wouldn't stare, and Ryan had to be all over her. It was horrible. I can't tell her how I feel, though, because that would be being a pussy. And I do have balls. Just, right now their hiding I guess?

When I got home that night I skipped supper. I went right to my room, turned on some rap music, blared the speakers, and went to bed. And the last thing I remember was thinking about when Blayre and I first met. The good days.

The days before I let myself come to reality.


End file.
